My faith is wavering.

Sadly, my sword has been crushed. My anthem has been silenced. My class has been dissolved.

We are born, when born is loosely used, we are born idealists.
Perfection.
Unique.
Ideal.

As we grow older, we learn how stupid we are. We realize how too much faith and love and care and hope is simply, and not just simply, stupid.
"Assoholic."

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Expect the damn worst. Not the damn 'worse.'

Do not assume.
In the words of Thomas Harris's Jack Crawford,
"When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME." and mostly, yourself.

You realize how, lost you are.
You comfort yourself by the thought someone cares for you.

Then you see her hands clenched. Eyes locked. Locked. Stunned. Incapacitated.

You then comfort yourself with how young you are.
"Age. Maturity. Life is a dream. Oh yah."

Then a sixteen-year old graduates summa cum laude.
three cheers for irony.

You then lose faith. Aww. How sad. Tragic, really.
But then again no one cares. Why should they?

Pull a lever. Push a button.
Everyone's too busy feeding themselves.

Zoom out. Fade to black. The counterstrike fade to black.
The one where you see your dead body. The victory spray paint. The blood. The stolen gun.
Ah. your very own emo video.

Have an epiphany. Realize how you so damn hate the damn word. Realize how you try to maintain the Godly image by only using damn. not fucking, not shitty, just damn.

Use the word realize again and again. For continuity. Whatever the hell it means.


This is not angst.
This is not pain.
This is reality. However angsty and painsy it sounds.
Hell do i care.